Catering a celebration of life or funeral reception, with very little time

Start with four facts, not a menu

A caterer can prepare a reception from surprisingly little information. Before you look at a single menu, try to have these four answers, even roughly:

1. When: the date, and the time the reception starts after the service or burial.
2. Where: a funeral home reception room, a place of worship, a community hall, a restaurant or someone's home.
3. How many: a range is fine. "Between 60 and 90" is a perfectly good starting point.
4. Any requirements: religious or cultural food customs in the family, and serious allergies you already know about.

With those, a caterer should be able to send a simple written proposal the same day. You can change the count later; most caterers set a final headcount deadline a day or two before a drop-off order.

If several relatives are helping, choose one person to be the caterer's contact. It is kinder to everyone, and it prevents two cousins confirming different numbers.

Estimating how many people will come

This is the question families worry about most, and there is no precise answer. A few patterns help:

• The reception is usually smaller than the service. When the reception is at a different location, expect fewer people to follow. When it is in the same building, most people stay at least briefly.
• A private burial before the reception changes the timing, not the numbers. Guests who did not attend the burial may arrive first and wait, so have coffee and something light ready early.
• Community, workplace and faith connections add people. Someone active in a congregation, a school or a large workplace can draw many more guests than the family expects.
• Time of day matters. A reception over lunch or dinner hours means people will eat a meal. A mid-afternoon reception means lighter food and more coffee.

Order for the middle of your range, not the top. Receptions rarely run out of food; far more often families are left with trays they cannot use. If you are genuinely unsure, ask the caterer to hold a back-up tray of sandwiches or sweets that can be added the day before.

How much food to order

Most receptions last 90 minutes to two hours, and guests eat most in the first hour. These are the planning figures we use for a reception of about 60 adults. Scale up or down in proportion.

Coffee and tea matter more at a reception than at almost any other event. People hold a cup while they talk, and older guests in particular often want tea more than food. Ask for decaffeinated coffee as well, and milk alternatives. For more general quantity planning, see our food per person guide.

Choosing food that suits the day

Reception food should be familiar and easy to eat while standing or holding a plate on your lap. It should not need a knife, and it should not be messy. Good choices include small sandwiches with a range of fillings (including vegetarian ones), savoury pastries, a vegetable platter, fruit, cheese, and simple baking such as butter tarts, lemon squares or shortbread.

Many families add one dish that belonged to the person they are remembering: a grandmother's date squares, a father's favourite samosas, the soup someone always brought to potlucks. A caterer can often make it from a family recipe, or the family can bring it and the caterer will put it out with a small card. Guests talk about that dish, and it gives people an easy way to share a memory.

Keep a few plates clearly labelled for guests with dietary needs: vegetarian, gluten-free and nut-free are the most common requests. Labels also save grieving hosts from answering the same question twenty times.

Religious and cultural customs

Food after a death carries meaning in almost every tradition, and customs vary widely even within one community. Rather than list rules that may not apply to your family, here are the questions worth asking an elder, the officiant or the funeral director before you order:

• Should the meal be vegetarian, or avoid particular meats?
• Does the food need to meet a religious standard, such as halal or kosher? If so, which certification does the family accept? (See our guide on kosher and kosher-style catering and our halal catering page.)
• Is alcohol appropriate, and is it allowed at the venue?
• Are there foods traditionally served, or avoided, during a mourning period?
• Will meals be needed on more than one day, for example during a period of visiting at the family home?

A good caterer will ask these questions gently and will tell you honestly if they cannot meet a requirement. If the reception is at a mosque, temple, church hall or gurdwara, the venue's own rules will usually settle several of these points.

Drop-off or staffed: which is easier for your family

Drop-off suits most receptions at home and smaller gatherings. Food arrives on platters, labelled and ready to set out, with written instructions and a time by which perishable food should be put away. It costs less, and it keeps strangers out of a private home at a difficult time. The one task you need to assign is someone to watch the clock: perishable food should not sit out for more than about two hours, which is the general guidance from Health Canada. Our drop-off catering page explains how delivery works.

Staffed service is worth considering for receptions of more than about 40 people, at a rented venue, or when the family simply wants to be with guests instead of refilling coffee. A server or two sets up, keeps platters tidy, clears cups and plates, and packs up at the end. Staff are $38 per staff hour, usually for three to four hours including setup and clean-up.

Many funeral homes and places of worship have rules about outside caterers, room times and kitchen use. Ask the funeral director or office administrator what is allowed before you book, and let the caterer speak to them directly if that saves you a phone call.

Leftovers, and what to do with them

Families almost always want to send food home with relatives, and it is a kind instinct. It is also where food safety goes wrong. Only pack up food that has stayed refrigerated or was kept back in the kitchen, never trays that have been sitting out through the reception. Sandwiches with egg, meat or mayonnaise and cut fruit are the riskiest.

Ask your caterer to keep a portion of the order packed and chilled separately for the family to take home. It is fresher, it is safe, and it avoids the end-of-day scramble for plastic wrap.

When the celebration of life is weeks later

Not every gathering happens within days. Many families hold a celebration of life weeks or months after a death, sometimes on a meaningful date, in a restaurant, hall, garden or backyard. With more time, the event often looks more like a gathering in the person's spirit: a favourite cuisine, a grazing table, a family-style meal, or a toast with their drink of choice.

If alcohol will be served at a rented venue, a Special Occasion Permit from the AGCO is usually needed; the AGCO asks for private event applications at least 10 days ahead. Our celebration of life catering page covers menus and formats for both kinds of gathering. Whatever the timing, you are welcome to call us at 647-830-0079 and simply tell us what you know so far. We will take it from there, and you will have a written price before you commit to anything.